| tuesday is coming, did you bring your coat? |
[26 Jun 2009|10:54pm] |
Well, the good news is that I finally have an interview after like forever of trying. And my car is working again (yeah 2 more recent problems....) but it's driving nicely right now. I organized my room by taking out this big bookshelf and relocating it into another room. And the desk I have has this fold out thing that extends to make the desk longer, so I put more stuff on it. It's stupid little things that make me happy. Working car, reorganized room, interview, i'm getting close. When i'm working again, at a decent job, i'll be in better spirits.
Also, i've also been working on my symphony ( i've stopped working on it for a month when I was super miserable ) I'm close to finishing the 3rd movement, i'm about 1/2 to 3/4 done. After that, just one more movement, then dunzo! When it's done I will feel, music wise, that I accomplished something quite great. It may not be the caliber of those old time composers, but it's MY on style and I have reasoning for that particular style. That's the best part. I can do whatever I want, I don't have to listen to people guide me or suggest to me, I just write what I want to write. (just be lucky it didn't copy the style of Ives...)
Salutations
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[24 May 2009|01:38pm] |
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mood |
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 angry |
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life is hard and shitty right now. it just pisses me off. I just want to let out a string of curse words. And for once, it's not myself who's responsible. i'm doing all i can, and shit just ain't going my way. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
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| Thinking about the future |
[17 May 2009|04:42pm] |
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mood |
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 sleepy |
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Ok so I have been working the new job for about 3 weeks, and it's been giving me a lot of time to think. I have talked about my short term goals (which is going slower then I thought, plus I work so damn much that I have little free time whatsoever). But they will happen, it will just take a bit longer. Though recently i've been thinking more about long term goals, and i'm thinking is that this is NOT what I want to be doing with my life. It is not enough to just be able to get by for the time being and think that will be good enough. I need to start figuring out how to put myself in the position for a solid, stable career. I really want to have something solid going within the next 1-2 years at most.
At the moment though, I do need to be working and making some kind of money to get by, pay my debts, and save up. I also want to get a better computer and better music software and equipment to better my music endeavors. And need a new damn car...I don't even want to think about that it pisses me off too much. This will probably take quite a bit of working...maybe a few months to a year to get myself out of the hole and have a little something saved up.
After that I have several ideas of what I want to do career wise, and the more plausible ideas the better, I have 2 thus far in mind. But for now, I got to suck it up and work and save.
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| a delicate balance |
[12 May 2009|09:37pm] |
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Less food. No more cigarettes. Lot's of work. Same amount of booze. More exercise. Less t.v. More reading. More composing.
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| nice weekend |
[10 May 2009|03:35pm] |
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mood |
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 calm |
] |
This weekend was good. It made up for all the shit that was pissing me off this last week. I got to relax, sleep in, hang out with some old CSUN buddies, and work on my symphony. Today I got to work a little more on the symphony, later going out for mothers day dinner, and I'll probably relax w/ some wine or something and watch breaking bad, and enjoy the last of the weekend. I can't wait for a paycheck though, so fucking broke.
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| plan b |
[06 May 2009|10:33pm] |
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mood |
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 pessimistic |
] |
Surprise surprise, the person I took my car to tried again to fix the alignment (which isn't the problem...) because I've gotten the alignment fixed many times and it does nothing. But sometimes people just don't fucking listen. I figured this is what would happen, so it wasn't like I could get more upset then I already was. So it's now up to plan B, which is to just stick it out and drive in the "death mobile" until I can save up enough to get a rental for a week, and then find a legit car repair place that can properly diagnose and fix my problems. I call it the death mobile because I fear that one day it's going to decided to drift suddenly into another vehicle without warning. Right now the drifts are correctable with the steering wheel (probably more for me because i'm used to it)...but there's that underlying feeling that I'm not in that much control. I really don't fucking care, whatever I'll drive the fucker until I can put plan B into effect, I need to keep this job, I need money, and i'm not letting this shit stop me. I just got all worked up all over again after writing this. fucking piece of shit car
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| The whim of the great magnet is going against me |
[06 May 2009|09:46am] |
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mood |
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pissed off |
] |
Sometimes I would like it to be smooth sailing, but it just never seems to be that way. It's always something, some obstacle keeping me from doing what I ought to be doing, that's out of my control. I just get a new job which requires me to drive my own vehicle, so it's ESSENTIAL that my car is in good working order.. and it is not. The alignment is shit (though it has been "corrected" multiple times) and the acceleration is all fucked up, it's very abrupt (like when changing gears) rather then smooth. For a while I just dealt with these problems, but it's just getting worse, and yesterday I finally had it. So now instead of working, i'm sitting at home waiting for the mechanic, who may or may not solve the problem, who may or may not be done by today. What do my employers think, already missing days with an unreliable vehicle, why would they want to keep me? I'm fully relying that i'm kept based on my work ethic, which is that i'm a good worker bee and I am pleasant to clients. I seriously just went through this same exact thing 6 months ago, why again? I just don't get it, why can't I just have a god damn car that just works like it should? I happened to take very good care of this stupid fucking car, I kept up the maintenance and put a hell of a lot of money into it, and it stills fucks with me. Fucking hell man. Fucking hell
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| opening wine. want to finish 3rd movement soon, and get a haircut. and lose more fat |
[30 Apr 2009|11:43pm] |
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mood |
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 drunk |
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it took me nearly 20 min to open this bottle of wine i found downstairs. 20 fucking minutes because i couldn't find a proper wine opener to i had to like cut out the cork in pieces. And as i finally get the fucker open it sprays on me and my bed. That really angered me. The wine is pretty nice and sweet, though myself not being a great fan of wine, it suites. I already had the little tiny flask of popov to start out with. I have to work tomm, but whatever, I know how to work with a hangover, it's easier then being underslept. But this job is longer then i'm used to, working about 50-60 hours a week, when I was used to more of a 40-50 hours a week. But whatever, it's a job, and i get paid.
i think this weekend i'm gonna get a haircut, and spend a lot of time of the 3rd movement of my symphony. My goal is to finish the symphony before my 24th birthday (may 27). And to lose 5 pounds before then. This is going to be very tough with the addition of this job, but i'm still going to try and do it, or at least see how close to it i can get. Ultimately: every goal
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| Swine Flu- is this really the end???? Or should I buy a pig and name him Chester |
[27 Apr 2009|07:11pm] |
So back on the job, and in the car there's only so much to listen to now that 97.1 FreeFm (which I used to listen to pretty much all day on the job) has been taken off the air, and a lot of my listening consists of the news/traffic reports (when I'm tired of hearing the same songs over and over). And all i've been hearing about is the god damn swine flu, now 11 cases in California, and 1 possible case in Claremont. I then proceeded to eat a pork taquito for lunch (pork products don't carry the illness). And now I want to buy a pig named Chester. I always had this strong feeling that all pot belly pigs look like their name should be Chester.
CHESTER!
think about this...
Image that the end of the human race is going to be caused by Chester (see photo) These creatures are actually very intelligent, I wouldn't put it past Chester to pull a fast one on us and...say....DESTROY THE HUMAN RACE.
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| New job is ok |
[25 Apr 2009|10:16am] |
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mood |
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 okay |
] |
First day went better then I thought. I worked some longer hours, but it all went all right, I still retained my map reading and navigational skills. I didn't have any anxiety's or nervousness, didn't get yelled at by dispatch (my last job they always yelled at their drivers) which was a nice change. All in all, it was not bad. My car doesn't drive the best right now, so I'll save up and get that fixed up. I just need to get used to the longer hours, and get re-acquainted with the shitty drivers of LA.
I saw a funny sign too. That new movie coming out, "ghosts of girlfriends past", there was a poster of it, but someone put a sticker that said fuck on it, so the sign read "ghosts of fuckfriends past". Another funny thing was one of the clients was this guy that had a strong resemblance to Rake Yohn, except he had an accent.
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| Don't know what to expect... |
[24 Apr 2009|12:56am] |
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mood |
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 nervous |
] |
Tomorrow will be a very very difficult mental exercise. We'll see how I do.
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| finally a payoff |
[23 Apr 2009|04:53pm] |
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mood |
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 ecstatic |
] |
so 2 good things:
1. Figured out why my outlets didn't work. There's an outlet in the house that's exposed and the wiring got loose and it affected my outlets. All that was needed was to tighten a bolt to get the wires back in.
2. After waiting all day finally got the call saying that I got the job and will be starting tomorrow. YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!
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| electric outlets |
[23 Apr 2009|01:29pm] |
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mood |
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 restless |
] |
This morning I thought all the power had went out, t.v. wouldn't turn on, computer wouldn't, anything plugged in to an outlet. I check my phone to make sure it still had battery, because today I should be getting the phone call letting me know whether or not I got the job. I was like, ok, i'm just going to go back to sleep until the power comes back one. I wake up and the damn power still doesn't work, but in other rooms the power works, so I try the light, and that seems to work too. So it was just the power outlets that weren't working...which makes no sense to me, but i'm no electrical technician, so why should it. So for now i'm improvising just plugging my power strip to an extension cord to an ouside outlet to get my stuff running. Should be okay for now...but i'm still waiting for the phone call.
waiting
waiting
waiting
...
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| possible employment |
[21 Apr 2009|06:30pm] |
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mood |
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 hopeful |
] |
Today I finally got lucky and found a messenger position posted online and gave them a call to go down to there office and take a thomas guide test. The job is pretty much the same thing I was doing before, so that's an advantage already, having experience. I did see a lot of apps though, that was a little concerning, but how many of those people actually passed the test and had the experience was not known, so there is still hope. I will found out thursday.
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| hmmm...FUCK |
[20 Apr 2009|09:30pm] |
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mood |
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 hot |
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I am in a bit of a funk here. I got laid off a little over a month ago, due to my employer having a sudden drop in clients. Less people were needed, and since I was a newbie (only about 6 months), I got the axe. Which at first I saw as not such a bad thing. Even though I was upset, I tried to turn a negative into a positive, ...putting some focus on several music projects (writing that symphony), and get on a exercise regiment (2 goals/new year resolution type things).
It went really well for a while, but now I'm getting into past habits, and probably drinking a little more then I should. I fucking knew that shit was going to happen. I can't blame the economy for my own personal issues, I can only blame myself. Yeah, it was nice having some extra time, but I'm ready to get back in the game, and i've been trying, but the job market is a bit tough right now. I know what I gotta do is keep trying.
"just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming...."
-Quoth the Raven
p.s. on another note, it's fucking hot today (in LA), like uncomfortable triple digits summer hot. Damn You global warming. McFuck
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| Philip Glass Joke |
[18 Apr 2009|12:47pm] |
Knock knock
Who's there?
Philip
Philip who?
Knock knock
Who's there?
Knock knock
Who's there?
Philip
Philip who?
Philip
Philip who?
Knock knock
Who's there?
Philip
Philip who?
Knock knock
Who's there?
Knock knock
Who's there?
Philip
Philip who?
Philip
Philip who?
Philip
Philip who?
Philip
Philip who?
Philip Glass
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| my computer blows |
[18 Apr 2009|12:18pm] |
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mood |
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angry |
] |
There is some kind of link between power usage downstairs and my computer upstairs. When my dad started using a power drill, it messed up my computer and restarted, and everytime the drill was being used my computer was kept on restarting and going beserk. WTF!!!
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| 3 Generations of the Shostakovich family...and some of my music history |
[17 Apr 2009|01:07am] |
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mood |
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drunk |
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Upon my usual random youtube browsing, I stumbled upon the Shostakovich Piano Concert #1 in C minor which was composed by Dmitri Shostakovich himself, BUT...this particular performance is conducted by his son (Maxim Shostakovich), and the piano part is played by his son (Shostakovich's grandson) Dmitri Shostakovich Jr.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Z8egy9bJ9U
Basically, this piece being played involves the grandfather (composer), son (conductor), and grandson (pianist) in the work. That is pretty amazing to me, this recording (link) is just the 4th movement, but the whole concerto is very well played. It is unbelievable that these same forces are all in the same family, performing this incredibly difficult work, generation to generation. Amazing!
Most of my family is not musical at all, other then my dad knowing a few chords on guitar. Though, unknown to me for many years, my grandmother (dad's side) had played the violin, as did my great grandfather, who was also a conductor. So there was some music in my family after all (though my grandmother was adopted....so no blood relation)
I know some of my cousins had piano lessons that never stuck (probably because they were forced) while I decided to play by choice rather then force. I remember when I started in group piano lessons with about 7-10 other kids who were months ahead of me, so I felt inadequate from the beginning. The first feeling I had in music was of inadequacy, and that I needed to catch up. Seems to have stuck. Thanks, a lot for that one!
Even though I practiced my ass off and, within a year, surpassed all of the students in those group lessons (eventually got private lessons), I still had the feeling of inadequacy....and that feeling always stuck with me in my music career, even years later, which may have prompted later musical downfalls and eventual demise (though I had other issues at the time that may have led to that) that's another story.
My piano teacher always gave me that feeling of not being good enough; she was an intimidating and scary lady. I actually gave a visit to her about 3 years ago (after moving back to l.a. from sunny Sequim, Washington), and had a conversation about music (at this time I was wanting to have a career in music therapy) and played some piano...I played Chopin's Nocturne Eb http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCrsKGfJP_w
(though not half as good) and I also a piece I wrote.
In response to the Chopin, my teacher said she played that when she was 8 years old, and that I had many mistakes, and the piece I wrote had a simple ABA section, and was nothing too impressive...there was much much room for improvement. She said if I practiced 6 hours a day that I could pull it off (in regards to the music therapy major) Very uplifting stuff (not)
I knew from early on that my teacher has some issues. As I got older, I was able to realize that my teacher, as talented and effective as she was, was not the most mentally stable of the bunch. She had a tendency to scare off current and potential students (I was the only one to survive out of my large student group). I was made to feel very ashamed in certain instances. One time for the whole lesson she yelled at me for an hour because she didn't get to eat lunch at chore's (similar to panda express), or temporarily quit her own business when one student played a piece "very sloppy and too fast"....she was an eccentric, impossible to impress, kind of crazy teacher. Funny, this would not be the last crazy music teacher in my life (Hamre cough cough). No wonder I only stuck with that shit for only 2 and a half years.
This whole Shostakovich thing just makes me think about all the different generations of music and all that. Like if I had kids, my thing would be to not force theme to play music, but rather that I would want them to decide if they wanted to play music based on their experience of music. Maybe one day have my son conduct my grandson playing a very difficult piano concerto that I wrote, like Shostakovich did! That will be my next project......but for now, I still need to finish my 1st symphony!!!
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| my pants are stupid |
[16 Apr 2009|02:57pm] |
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mood |
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annoyed |
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I just ripped a hole in my pants! I had a tight squeeze getting into the car because of the close parking of another car, and I guess my pants weren't cut out for the acrobatic maneuver I used to get in, and there is now a hole in the crotch region. This event brought back some embarrassing moments from grade school as well as several loud curse words. Stupid pants, why must you do that to me???
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